A Second Once-In-A-Lifetime

After what has transpired during our session of my subject Humanities 11, where I had chosen the song If Ever You’re In My Arms Again during my presentation, I finally found the courage to write him a letter, pouring out my regrets and apologies. After all, it was my fault. I remembered having included the lyrics of the song If Ever You’re In My Arms Again, a poem I made for him which I entitled A Second Once-In-A-Lifetime, and a dead rose with a note: This is me without you. Funny thing is, three days after I have mailed my letter, I decided to call him up and we got together that same night. Four days after that call, exactly one week, he received my letter. And we were both laughing over the phone after he read to me the letter I’ve written for him. And I would never forget how he thanked me and appreciated what I did. But sadly, it seems that we’re not really meant for each other. Perhaps because of the distance, or because of the complexity things had been for us, we decided to call it quits on the 18th of December 2007… We’re still good friends up to this moment, though. This was written sometime on November 2007…

It was never my intention to disturb you in anything you’re doing right now. But I also have some important things to tell you.

Honestly, I thought about what happened between us, and I must admit it was entirely my fault. I can’t blame you for feeling or acting that way. I was stupid, childish, immature, and all other things you may call it. I became dominant because I thought you will never leave me no matter what I do. And now I realized that it was such a foolish idea. People get tired too.

I also realized now that I’ve lost you how much you and our relationship meant to me. I’ve realized that I just can’t make it on my own when I’ve already built dreams for us. I was used to walking alone and when you came, I no longer want to lose you and walk in that darkness alone… again.

Hon, you’ve changed a lot of things in me. This may sound like poetry but all these are true. I’ve been dead; and then you came and brought everything back to life — including my belief and faith in true love and happy endings. My whole life was a mess and I’ve been living in lies and pretensions, and the only truth there is that I should’ve known from the very beginning was the love you shared with me.

It is indeed an old cliche when I tell you I can’t afford to lose you, that I can’t go on without you, considering that we haven’t even shared something memorable together except all those bittersweet promises and sweet nothings. But, Honey, I believe I never lied to you and believe me, since that very day you became mine, I lived every single day of my life with incomparable happiness knowing that there’s someone who loves me and accepts me as me, no buts, no ifs.

That is why here I am, pouring out everything I’ve been holding back for so long. I know I didn’t trust you that much and I would really ask for an apology. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HON and God knows how much I want you back. I know it would be a shame because I’m a girl and society doesn’t always accept that, but it would be a much bigger shame if I totally lost you just because I let my pride drag me into not doing it.

What we had was a once in a lifetime, I know. But I’m just hoping against hope that you’d give me a second once-in-a-lifetime. I promise you it would be totally different this time. I’ll change…

But if incase, heaven forbid, that the love we once had no longer nests in your heart, just let me know. Despite my fragile self, I’m still a soldier. I know when to fight and when to surrender…